Being Real with Yourself

Background

 

Definition time!

 

Being Self Savvy: To live a life where you know yourself well enough that your strengths are highlighted and your weaknesses are cared for, ultimately being your best self and living life in the unique way that only YOU can live it. 

 

Why is this important?

 

Being self savvy leads to better career choices, friend choices, romance choices, food choices, and personal choices. It is the key to unlocking your potential. 

 

What is the Being Self Savvy Process

 

• Step 1: Being Real with Yourself
• Step 2: Self-Acceptance
• Step 3: Autonomy, Optimization, and Trust

 

Let’s dive into Step 1: Being Real With Yourself

 

How Do We Know if We Need This?

 

Basically, if something feels funky or gives you an icky feeling in your gut, it is probably a part of you where you are NOT being real with yourself. The problem is that we are often acting out of alignment because we THINK that is who we are and what we want. It is not until we pause to get to know ourselves again that we can figure this out.

 

What causes us to lose track of ourselves so deeply? Well, humans, over time, can lose themselves in the process of life. Naturally, we grow and adapt. So, who we are at 20 will not be who we are at 30. That is just life. Adding onto the natural part, we can succumb to peer pressure, societal pressure, familial expectations, gender expectations, etc, and that can only widen the gap between who we are and what we are doing. This can lead to a lot of misalignment unless a person takes a second to readjust.  

 

Humans also are creatures of habit. Even though we are constantly evolving each day, and we should not expect to be the same person as we were 10 years ago, we will try to stick to old ways of being like our lives depend on it. 

 

I can use an example in my own life: I had to be a 5:00AM person because I have been a 5:00AM person for so long and this was the life I needed to live. However, I got up at 5:00AM starting in college because I had anxiety; then, I transitioned this into my work life because I had to workout before the long commute into work. Then, I did a fitness competition so I HAD TO remain on the 5:00AM train. 

 

It was not until I took a pause to say: Do I need to keep doing this? Is this me? That I recognized that I am a person who values sleep and comfort. I don’t sleep in forever, but sleeping in till 6:00AM felt a lot more REAL to me. So, I listen to my body now. I have adapted. I feel more like a whole person. 

 

Therefore, this blog aims to steer you in the direction of rekindling a true, and HEALTHY relationship with yourself because it is important. 

Why Is It Important?

 

It is important because: 

 

• You are pretty darn mean to yourself if you are not real with yourself.
• Being inauthentic and acting out of alignment with who you are is a sure fire way to live an unfilling life, which leads to burnout and resentment.
• Life becomes hard rather than easy, and life is not supposed to be so hard. 
• If you are not real with yourself, then you can never truly optimize you (step 3 of being self savvy) because you do not accept who you are (step 2 of being self savvy).

 

So let’s get you started on getting to know yourself again (Step 1). This is a beautiful journey, I promise.

 

Being Real with Yourself looks like:

 

• Assessing who you are and what you value
• Sensing where you stand
• Evaluating how often you act in accordance to that truth
• Reevaluating the areas where you are not acting in accordance to that truth

 

Although this could be seen like a linear progression, it does not have to be. Rather, these three items can be best accomplished through two main actions: Self-Assessment and Reflection. 

 

Self-Assessment

 

Assessing Who You Are and What You Value

 

The best way to get to know yourself is to start from the beginning and be curious. Curiosity will win you a lot of awards in this process. 

Being Self Savvy relates to my earlier blog about “The Single-Person Case Study”  where I talk about how I would conduct “fads” on myself. Essentially, getting to know yourself is a lot about taking some tests as it is about reflecting.

 

Who You Are

 

Now, you have to show a level of curiosity to begin this process. Even though a test cannot cure you, I do think self-assessments can be enlightening when used in the formula I prescribe. A couple of really popular ones out there right now include: 

 

1. Enneagram: Shows you which of the 9 personality types you fall into, focusing on our core desires and our core fears.  
2. Four Tendencies: The Four Tendencies is structured around “how you respond to expectations,” AKA do you have internal drive or require external accountability or neither? This quiz shows you which tendency you fall into. Gretchen Rubin, the author of this quiz, does have a book that I HIGHLY recommend: The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too) 
3. Saboteur: This quiz is structured around a book called Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours (also highly recommended) and Shirzad Chamine’s methodology of the ways we self-sabotage.

 

I pick these three because one tells you what you want and what you fear, the other tells you how you get motivated, and the last one tells you how you self-sabotage. I feel like these three foci can be the key to unlocking you, but take whatever assessments or read whatever books will help you dive into you more. 

 

What You Value

 

In conjunction with these three, I recommend you conduct a values assessment. This would mean listing out your top 5-10 values in life. There are many ways to do this, but the most popular is by Scott Jeffrey HERE. Although this takes time, this is the values work I did that seemed to stick the most through my coaches. 

 

REFLECTION 

 

This is where the beauty of journaling comes in. However, this can look like any form of journaling you feel like. Do you prefer writing or typing or using your phone? However you want to record, I recommend recording it with a date and time that you wrote this. You can always do this again and reassess.

 

Sensing Where You Stand

 

-What do those results make you feel like? 

-How did those results make you feel? If bad, why?

How Often You Act in Accordance to that Truth

-Take a mental picture of your life right now. In what ways are you aligning to those results? In what ways are you feeling super connected and proud?

 

Reevaluating The areas Where You Are Not Acting in Accordance to that Truth

 

-Take a mental picture of your last month. In what ways are you not aligning to those results?

 

These journal prompts may seem hokey; however, I promise you that they will get you closer to your goal – being real with yourself.

 

Putting it All Together

 

I cannot tell you where to go from here. However, I would recommend taking that list of the areas you are acting out alignment and find ways to reduce the list. I would also recommend adding more from the list where you do feel in alignment. The power of knowledge is being able to act. Knowledge and self-awareness are key to acting in a better direction. 

 

You got the power now. 

Any questions? Email kat@katkiseli.com